Almost Christmas

WOW!! Where has the year gone?? I started this journey back in March, and now I have my Christmas tree up!!! YIKES!!!

So you know what this means, right? Yup. It means I just stuffed myself with turkey and all the goodies from this past weekend!!!

Hosestly, I didnt do terrible at the actual Thanksgiving dinner- it was the days leading up to, the morning of, and the days that have followed!!! Grrrrr!!!!!!!!

I have been off track for about 5 weeks now- COMPLETELY off track.... On Oct 19th, I weighed in at 209 even, putting me at 29.2 lbs lost total!!! I was so ecstatic to hit that 30, and then start on the next 30!!!

But....... Went South on vacation for a few days, back home, another week later made a trip North for work meetings for a few days.... back home.... then my grandfather passed away. Lots of challenges over the last month, and I could tell it on the scale when I finally made my way back in to WW.... 7.4 lbs UP!!!!!!!! OMG.....

Where were all my anchors? Where was my focus? There were so many better choices I could have made, but ignored them all!!!!!! I WAS going to have fun! I was going to get back to it next week, I deserved to feel upset and consume myself in delicious foods.......

But at what price? 7 lbs.... 7 lbs??? So big deal you might all say.... how much difference can 7 lbs really make??

I have been achy, less willing to do anything around the house, somewhat depressed- my clothes are tighter again...... I hate this....

I mean, I understand this is life.... These things are going to happen.... and yes, now I am moving on..... But what I wish I understood is why do I give in to all the these cravings or desires??? How can I push thru them? Its so easy to say-- Well prepare for them- but, really? Im not sure how to do that....

When I am feeling emotional- like sad or irritated or extremely mad about something- Its really hard to fall back on the preparation--- Im in such a state of mind, that I really dont care- until after I eat it. Then I hate myself more.....

Yes, fun occasions are hard too--- but my mind is in a place that I could really reason with myself a little better-- Jeannie? Do you really need the ice cream to celebrate a good grade the boys made- or- Jeannie? Do you really need to have 4 glasses of wine to enjoy time out with friends? etc......... As easy as it is to give in to that, its more likely that I will reason with myself in that situation.

I really need to focus my understandings to the times where I am feeling low.

Not to add on a bad note, though.... Cause I still see a beautiful ending in sight.